Being A Contribution

Not long ago, I set out to reinvent my life with the sole purpose of being the most authentic version of myself that I could be. In my search, I've found many books that have helped me on my path - books that synchronistically seemed to jump off the library shelves right when I needed them. This book, The Art of Possibilityby Rosamund Stone Zander and Benjamin Zander, created a profound shift in how I view what's possible in my personal life, my relationships and in turning around difficult situations to the best advantage for myself and others.

One of the chapters in the book that had the greatest influence on me was called, Being A Contribution. It opened with this parable:

Strolling along the edge of the sea, a man catches sight of a young woman who appears to be engaged in a ritual dance. She stoops down, then straightens to her full height, casting her arm out in an arc. Drawing closer, he sees that the beach around her is littered with starfish, and she is throwing them out one by one into the sea. He lightly mocks her, "There are stranded starfish as far as the eye can see, for miles up the beach. What difference can saving a few of them possibly make?" Smiling, she bends down and once more tosses a starfish out over the water, saying serenely, "It certainly makes a difference to this one."

Reading this chapter was a beautiful wake up call. I recognized that I measure and judge my place in the world far too narrowly: everything is either right or wrong, I am a success or a failure, I am too much or not enough. I am also guilty of occasionally making decisions out of fear based on what other people might think instead of from a place of strong personal belief and integrity. Benjamin Zander, a successful speaker and conductor of the Boston Philharmonic, came to the conclusion that instead of measuring his achievements in traditional ways, he could simply declare himself to be a contribution:

"I settled on a game called I am a contribution. Unlike success and failure, contribution has no other side. It is not arrived at by comparison. All at once I found that the fearful question, "Is it enough?" and the even more fearful question, " Am I loved for who I am, or for what I have accomplished?" could both be replaced with the joyful question, "How will I be a contribution today?"

The idea of declaring myself a contribution was liberating. It redirected my way of thinking.
I started to view difficult situations as personal challenges where I had an opportunity to rise to the occasion. I was recently in a work situation that was new and very perplexing. I was mired in negativity about finding a solution to a big problem. I was feeling like a victim and wanted to blame others for my predicament. But then I realized I wanted to resolve this with integrity and for me, that means not finding fault and blaming others but taking personal responsibility. So, I asked myself, "What is the best contribution I can make to this situation?" I visualized a happy outcome for all without having expectations about how it might unfold. I held the tension of not having answers but believing I could find one and ultimately, I did.

Frankly, I am tired of seeing the negative in every situation and of hearing myself say the words, "I can't." (again, fear talking). I knew at my core, that's not who I am or who I want to be in the world. When pressed in dilemma, when I think I have no options, I remember there is always another way and that's the perfect time to declare myself a contribution.

"Naming oneself and others as a contribution produces a shift away from self-concern and engages us in a relationship with others that is an arena for making a difference. Rewards in the contribution game are of a deep and enduring kind, though less predictable than the trio of money, fame and power that accrue to the winner in the success game. You never know what they will be, or from whence they come."

Excerpted directly from the book, here are steps to The Practice of Becoming a Contribution:

1. Declare yourself to be a contribution.

2. Throw yourself into life as someone who makes a difference, accepting that you may not understand how or why.

"When you play the contribution game, it is never a single individual who is transformed. Transformation overrides the divisions of identity and possession that are the architecture of the measurement model, recasting the tight pattern of scarcity into a widespread array of abundance."

We all desire abundance. Whether it's financial freedom, friendships, love or creative flow. What if abundance wasn't simply about "me, me, me - that's mine." The scarcity mentality thinks "I can't share this because then there won't be enough for me." The idea that no matter how much we have, there is never enough. That is surely fear talking; we've all experienced it but it is simply not true. I have lived with this mentality my whole life. It has been passed down from generation to generation in my family and I am committed to ending its legacy for good.

I'm going to end with another parable from the book that speaks to possibility and to our "limited understanding of the nature of the gifts the universe holds in store for us."

Four young men sit by the bedside of their dying father. The old man, with his last breath, tells them there is a huge treasure buried in the family fields. The sons crowd around him crying, "Where, where?" but it is too late. The day after the funeral and for many days to come, the young men go out with their picks and shovels and turn the soil, digging deeply into the ground from one end of each field to the other. They find nothing and, bitterly disappointed, abandon the search. The next season the farm had its best harvest ever.

The Art of Living: Spider Saloff

I often speak about the importance of getting out of our heads and into our bodies. From experience, I know when I'm trying to make important decisions or move forward on something that's difficult for me, I make better progress when I focus on how I feel versus what I think. My mind can spin in crazy, vicious circles for eternity but my body speaks the immediate, visceral truth.

I thought it would be interesting to ask people whose life's work or creative pastimes require them to be very in tune with their bodies, to share their process and personal stories on this topic.

Spider Saloff is an internationally celebrated jazz singer and she also teaches at the Bloom School of Jazz which is where I took her brilliant Master Class in Vocal Phrasing and Improvisation. Spider actually facilitated one of the peak experiences in my life so far: I got to sing two jazz tunes accompanied by a great band at the famed Green Mill jazz club in Chicago. I saw her recently and knew she'd be the perfect person for this interview. In a beautifully candid way, she shares personal and practical wisdom we can all learn from.


Why is this practice of getting out of our heads and into our bodies so important?

It has to do with the “big picture” concept. Our entire way of living our lives has to do with a balance of body, mind and spirit. When one of these is out of balance, we are open to disorder, unrest and even illness.

What are some of the ways it helps you in your day to day life?

I have recently been through some extremely stressful situations in my life. The big one being the sudden death of my husband. Carrying on with my life and creativity has been incredibly powerful and important in recovering from the experience. A major help to me was the daily practice of being present. By this I mean a real understanding of knowing where I am right in the moment - not being in the past or in an artificial future that I am just making up. When I can get myself to be present it almost immediately removes fear in just about any situation. And from this comes the capacity to be in a balanced state.

What are some of the ways it helps you in your work or creative practice?

As a creative artist I need to be self motivated in order to carry on with my work. This of course can be difficult at times. You don’t always wake up and say, “Hey, I think I’ll write a song today!” Most of the time you just want to put stuff off. But this, too, comes from fear. And that comes from not being present. The part of you that is in the past is saying, “Oh, what if I just can’t do it? I couldn’t do it yesterday. How will I be able to do it now?” And the part of you that is making up the false future is saying, “Oh, what if I do it and it isn’t good? People will think I'm a failure. I'm better off just being safe and not doing anything.”

Yeah. You can see how well that works! So if you can get present you can be with, “What if I just write a couple of thoughts down. And if it isn’t good, it doesn’t matter. I am here and I am safe.”

Has this practice affected other areas of your life that surprised you?

Yes. Even in mundane chores that seem overwhelming. Like cleaning out a closet that has not been touched since dinosaurs walked the earth. (They may even be living in there.) If I can just get myself to stop the conversation about how hard it is and take out one thing. All of sudden I can get into the actual joy of it and the release of throwing stuff out and making my life easier. Then when it's over I feel great and can’t believe all the fuss I was making over it. What a bunch of nonsense goes on in our heads!

What are the signs to look out for in your body to know when something moves you? How do you check in with your body when making decisions?

This, I suppose, is what one calls a gut reaction. When a situation calls for it, most of us will hear that little bell go off. It's getting used to knowing what the bell sounds and feels like that fine tunes the process.

Any other wisdom you'd like to share with us?

I think as an artist and a human being one of the most important things to remember is to never get caught up in comparing yourself or your success to ANYONE ELSE. We are all on our own path and we don’t have the energy to waste on such devouring thoughts. Always focus on what is working and what is making you feel good. That is the art of living.

Spider Saloff is a critically acclaimed singer and actress. Her syndicated radio series Words and Music has been heard world wide. She performs concerts with full orchestras as well as in intimate jazz venues. Her most well known work is her Gershwin concert in which Saloff worked directly with the Gershwin family. The show received rave reviews, toured nationally and was featured in St. Petersburg, Russia. Saloff has 7 CD’s to her credit and is the winner of 5 MAC Awards presented by The Manhattan Association of Cabarets. Her newest project is a one woman musical, Entertaining Guests which Saloff wrote the book as well as the music. The play is slated for a Chicago debut in 2010. Check out her website at http://www.SpiderJazz.com